I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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