Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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