help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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