Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
