so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
