If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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