Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
