WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
