so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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