all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
