Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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