Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
