Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
