The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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