no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
