Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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