I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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