tell your sister to shave her snatch
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Let's paint friendship bongs
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
