her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
