in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
