she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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