First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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