so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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