Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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