I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
