he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
