Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
