I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
