the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
