i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
