He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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