I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
