please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
