Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
its liver damage thursday
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
