I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Who put my cat in the fridge?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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