i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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