Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
There's always time for handjobs
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
