here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
