getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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