just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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