Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
