Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
