It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
