the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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