im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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