Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
