Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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