Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
