Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
