Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
