Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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