...so i touched it.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Boobs speak an international language.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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