I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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